I have a job. I can pay for things.
A short time ago, on a dating app not so far away....
Episode I
A New Husband
It is a period of civil war. Men with no jobs, striking from hidden profiles, have ghosted their way across the entire galaxy.
During the endless swiping, one rebel discovered the secret plans to Blue's heart: someone emotionally available, a nerd, and freaky.
Pursued by sinister situationships, one short king now races across the internet, custodian of a job, a camera, and a proposal that could restore freedom to the galaxy....
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Track 02 · Certified Lover Boy
Introducing your future
Husband
A proposal prepared exclusively for Blue. Graded, slabbed, and emotionally available.
2026 Husband Proposal #001 · Elijah · Short King Holo
GEM MT10
Certified Lover Boy · 0000 0001
BASICElijahHP420
NO. 001 · Short King Type · HT: classified · WT: skinny (for now)
★
Has A Job
Pays for everything. This effect can't be prevented.
💪
Bicep Pic
60Surprise attack. Your partner is stunned for 1 turn.
📸
Golden Hour
120Photography trained. Your cosplay does 2× damage.
weaknessBlue ×2resistancesituationships −30retreatnever
Emotionally available. Rarely pulled. Worth the whole pack.
001/001 ★ Secret Rareillus. Elijah
Track 03 · Care Package
What you get.
Travel size. TSA approved. Your favorite size, I've heard.
100%
Fully charged. Situationship mode: off.
Photography
Photography trained.
Your personal photographer, on call. I'm holding the camera; you just have to look good (easy).
cosplay shootsconscontent daysgolden hourcandids you'll actually like
Sensitive content
This photo may show a skinny king with an unexpectedly large bicep.
Skinny king… but all of a sudden, bicep pics. 💪(cat for scale)
No account found.
Doesn't have Instagram. Will make one exclusively to receive your reels.
creating account…
@
0posts0followers1following
following → @ ✓
@ sent you a reel1
Track 04 · Take Care
I have a job. I can pay for things.
Here's the receipt. Keep it.
The Husband Store
est. the day we matched · open 24/7
ORDER #0001 · FOR: BLUE
Dinner (you pick)PAID
Dessert (also you pick)PAID
Late-night snack runsPAID
Weed (too much)PAID
Movie ticketsPAID
↳ + the big popcorn
Anime night snacksPAID
Cat supervision (Wobbles)INCLUDED
Hoodies (to steal)INCLUDED
Con badge + prop carryingPAID
Heavy lifting + IKEA buildsFREE
↳ I lift. see: bicep pics
Forehead kissesUNLIMITED
↳ I'll get on my tiptoes
SUBTOTALcovered
TAXon me
TOTAL DUE FROM YOU$0.00
PAYMENT METHODmy job ✓
★ I HAVE A JOB. I CAN PAY FOR THINGS. ★
thank you, come again 💙
PAID IN FULL
Track 05 · Views
The views.
Swipe right, swipe left. It's your deck. I'm just in it.
0 LIKED
Track 06 · For All the Dogs
Also included: Wobbles.
Not a dog. British Shorthair, lilac golden shell. Package deal, non-negotiable.
COMPANION UNLOCKED★★★★★
🐾 stroke to pet (the belly is a trap)
WobblesRARE COAT
British Shorthair · lilac golden shell
CHONK94
LOAF FORM100
JUDGEMENT88
CUDDLES97
🎮
Controller Sit
Sits on your controller mid-boss-fight. Cannot be parried.
📺
Stream Cameo
Walks across the keyboard while you're live. Chat goes feral.
🛋️
Passive: Emotional Support
+10 comfort to everyone on the couch.
PURR-O-METER0%
Stroke the photo, or tap below.
Speak cat.
That's just Wobbles' resting judge face. In cat, a slow blink means “I trust you.” Try one.
Track 07 · Nothing Was the Same
Warning: I will increasingly spend more money on you the more I'm into you.
Side effects may include: being spoiled, flowers for no reason, surprise snack runs, a new controller for co-op, dinner reservations you didn't ask for, and mild concern from my bank. Do not operate heavy machinery while being spoiled. Ask your Etsy witch if a husband is right for you.
Track 08 · More Life
What I'm looking for:
A girlfriend that smokes too much weed.
Non-negotiable. I'll bring the snacks.
0%
MATCH FOUND 💙
Track 09 · What a Time to Be Alive
Chat has opinions.
LIVE· Just Chatting · 👁 1
⚡ Prediction · locked
Will Blue accept the husband proposal?
🔷 1.2M points🔶 69 points
Track 10 · If You're Reading This It's Too Late
So, Blue…
Accept the husband proposal?
Choose wisely, Tarnished.
Proposal accepted.
Screenshot this and send it to me. I'll plan the first date. I'm paying, obviously.
Tell Elijah 💙Respectfully.
Thanks for reading all the way to the end. 🖤